i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
