God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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