i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
