On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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