Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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