So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
