Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
