Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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