this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
