I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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