and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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