dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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