So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
