I wish I could teleport
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
