There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
