Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
