Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
