So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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