Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
