Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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