New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
