I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My ass is underappreciated
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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