so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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