I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
