I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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