And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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