there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
