i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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