DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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