no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
