It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
