fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
