she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
