Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
