I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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