i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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