Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
