were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
