he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
