I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
