The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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