Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
