If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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