the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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