her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
