i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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