It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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