just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
