Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
