dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
