Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
