Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
