girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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