Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
