Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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