Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
