Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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