Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
