what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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