She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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