i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
