Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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