Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
