forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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