Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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