I don't usually arrange sex via text message
someone threw a dead crab at me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
