She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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