Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
