True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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