Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
