I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I skipped work to stalk him.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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