We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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