So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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