angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
