Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
